The ladies' compartment of the Mumbai local train is the apt crucible for the ultimate representation of female psychology. The experience can be said to elicit the finer qualities in the character of a woman, like patience, fortitude and equanimity, laced with indomitable determination. My own experience with this inextricable part of what constitutes 'Mumbai', was one of my most profound learnings during my two years in the city. Before long, I had devised my own series of "Steps for using the Mumbai local train to reach your destination, alive"
1. Make sure that all your belongings are in your bag. To ensure that this happens on time, start fumbling for your phone 15 minutes prior to this. It is advisable for the bag to be on your front. Apart from the obvious advantage of protecting your purse, it can also prove useful in shielding your face from overt attack and / or murderous looks and / or the steady streams of invective pouring from all directions.
2. The right place to stand in a throng of large and fiercely determined women is right in the middle of it. This results in the large and fierce vanguard protecting you from likely injury caused by the phalanx charging out from the train, while at the same time, ensuring that the part of the horde exactly behind you pushes you all the way inside the train.
3. When 'the moment' arrives, close your eyes, lower your head and let your muscles relax. Open your eyes, once it becomes apparent that you are no longer moving and then try to ascertain that you are inside by peering through a tiny crack in the solid wall formed by bodies hurtling on to you.
4. Make sure that you cling on to something. Make sure that whatever you cling on to is not human.
5. It helps to be mindful of the fact that your more seasoned fellow travelers, may spontaneously erupt in an earsplitting version of a Bollywood song from the early 90s.
6. Risk periodical peeks from the tiny crack in the wall to maintain your bearings.
7. While getting down, close your eyes again and follow the same procedure. In a broad and general sense, remember, that travelling in the Mumbai local train is a lot like giving birth: Take a deep breath and…Push!
