People love being mysterious. And they love to talk about their being mysterious. “I’m extremely moody” or “No one knows the real me” are a couple of affirmations that make up the fabric of the cozy cocoon called ‘identity’. Legions of self styled ‘thinkers’ have expended astonishing amounts of energy in approaching that conundrum: Who am I? Am I an aggregation of all my characteristics, or something more? Am I really distinct from what I do? Am I this…Am I that…and of course, the far more fundamental “Am I?”
So, who are we? Do we get to decide? Does it matter who we think we are? No it does not and yes, it does. It does not, as what we think about ourselves changes nothing about us (let’s for a moment ignore the purported benefits of ‘positive self evaluations’). Yes it does, as, in the ultimate analysis, all external factors being what they are, we can choose to think what we want to about ourselves, by selectively attending to some of these external factors, while discounting others. ‘Symbolic self awareness’ is the term used to denote our ability to think about our thoughts; it is in fact, in a sense, an intricate web of defenses designed to maintain a consistent, non threatening ‘version’ of reality, to serve as an armor for our inviolable ‘identities’. Consciousness is, after all, the tip of the iceberg, with the overarching need to maintain ‘consistency’ in our pictures of ourselves (and of others). The edifice of consciousness is constructed through an elaborate pattern of distortions and deceptions. Positive self evaluations are, in a sense, deceptions…and deceptions are not necessarily bad; they are coping mechanisms.
So, when a ‘mysterious’ person convinces others (and herself) that no one knows the real her, she does not have to try to be anything at all and any aspects of her ‘being’ that have the potential to appear unpleasant to anyone should be of little concern to her, as “that’s not the real her”
People guard their identities zealously and selectively perceive information that reaffirms their self images. I often feel, that the surest way to ‘motivate’ a person to perform a task is to link the outcome to her self image; her ‘identity’. Of course, in some cases, this activates another common defense: shifting the basis of our identities or changing the source of self worth. So, if Math remains your bête noire, you can always shift over from the “no-wait-I-can-do-this” camp to join the ranks of the “I’m-not-cut-out-for-this-stupid-subject” section.
Deception is not necessarily bad, but it can, at times, be exceedingly pernicious. An acknowledgement of the failings of our cognitive faculty should induce us to exercise caution in making decisions and judgments by carefully evaluating information from the environment and astutely studying our own reactions to it (trying to find out why we do what we do). And then again, there are ways to justify yourself without having to undergo this rigorous exercise: Perhaps you’re just extremely moody!
